Men & broken families: So you want to see your kids but she’s being an arse….

It’s common enough, parents using their children as weapons after a break up. Men certainly dont like the fact that this is one area of life where women are in charge and normally win. The law will always favor the mother, because it is beyond a doubt that women care for children far more than the average man. If you consider yourself an exception then you have probably already proved otherwise though your behaviour.

The problem with single dads is that they are rather easy to sterotype, at least the ones who find themselves in custody battles are. Normally living a hand to mouth existance, a regular drinker, Interests in guns, violent games, football, dogs, and have about as much education as a ferel child. Non of this stops them from having the right to see their child, however it is the behaviour that is indicative of such hobbies that makes them more of a problem than they realise.

Too many single dads fail too see that they are emotionally unstable, they act like children, often turning up at their ex’s door drunk at 11pm demanding to see their kid. Or they expect aggressive behaviour drunk or sober to be forgiven when they think enogh time has passed. Worse almost all of them seem to forget why they kicked out in the first place: Laziness, infidelity, violence, theft. It’s frankly amazing how so many men can twist the situation to make themselves look like a victim. Or of course thinking saying sorry solves everything.

Mothers hardly want to be on the job 24/7. Ironically many split ups happen because the dad wasn’t doing his bit….You dont know what youve got till it’s gone. How dare a man think that because he’s realised that the mother should respond to his every beck and call! That is not how things work!

Whatever happened to the gentleman? Oh yer, there all in stable relationships or haven’t made this mistake! At what point do single men dismiss the gentleman approach? Where the awkward or angry mother denies you access and rather than shaming youself like some pathetic chav banging on doors and making threats to see your child, you simply reply “I want to see my child and you know where to find me when you are ready to allow me. Just please dont expect me to drop everything at a moments notice.”

What kind of a man thinks agression and threats are better than such a response? A child thats who, a total bum thats who! And dont even get me started on the “I love my kid crap” – – Worse words cannot be spoken by a man, a man who’s lack of commitment and maturity got him into this situation in the first place! Men who are known to throw the word love around as a means to get want he wants, with his mother and his lovers. Men who express a love for their childen stronger than how a mother expresses it are attention seekers…children.

Maybe it’s just me growing up with a somewhat emotionally stunted father, but it doesn’t suit a man well in my opinion, and any man worth looking up to doesn’t act like it either. you dont keep phoning a women whos turned her back on you, you dont bang down doors in the middle of the night, you dont make empty threats and paint yourself to be a victim and you dont spend the live long day telling everyone how much you love your kids how much of a great dad you are and how unfair you ex is to you. Even gay people are thinking, shut up you faggot. Fathers for justice? Oh dear. Any man who scales building in a spiderman costume to make his point has pretty much proven he is unstable.

Now Im not all for hating on single dads. Mums clearly can be bitches. however it seems that how obstinant the mother is, is 9 times out of 10 in response to how the father has acted or is still acting. These men like children thinking stamping their feet and screaming will get them what they want. How stupid are they to act like that to a mother, who’s dealing with children doing exactly the same but with far more energy?

If a women has dumped you, shes clearly not impressed with your behaviour or attitude and going back to that lack of education, single dads are that stupid it doesn’t occur to them to present a new reformed version of themselves that lasts longer than upto the point where the mother doesnt give them the response they wanted!

Men who dont act in such a way, almost never fail to get access…Normally in cases where the mother has been the cheater or bad partner, there’s not many women out there who refuse acess to the father in that situation, and if they do, they are the mothers who tend to loose custody. There’s no point in whining in me by point out your faults if this applies to you and let me explain it in the following way to you.

Where you go wrong is in the heat of the moment. That mment when you get so angry in side it comes out and you do something stupid and later you spend time feeling stupid but eventually managed to justify it to yourself and perhaps a freind you’ve been boring over a dozen pints! Yup I’ve been there way too many times!

You men have not grown up, you are not gentlemen, you are, to opt for a Victorian word, ruffians. Men must learn to hold back on their anger and trust me I know, I carry very aggressive genes in a family thats smashed up every pub on my estate at one time or another, My father is a very scary and short tempered man and I certainly am my father sons. However I was not awarded the luxury of being able to freely explore that agression, I had to learn to control it. I am considered a gentleman and its based upon muc hard work, but if for 1 moment i ‘loose it’ there will be little sympathy for me, I will not be able to justify it and my reputation will be damaged…Ive done it before. It’s not brownie points. 10 minutes, or even 10 years of perfect behaviour is a poor defense for even a 10 second outburst, not when people are looking to defame your charecter in a relationship break up. Men are aware of their higher levels of agression and thus everyone knowing it means it is a pathetic defense.

Learning to control your emotions and behave properly is a part of growing up, if you have a child and you havent learned how to be a gentlemen yet, perhaps you are indeed an unfit parent, and the mother is wise to keep you away. Love is not enough for a child, and in fact when a person is so immature, aggressive, demanding and not self aware love is in fact very dangerous. What exactly do you have to offer a child if you cannot even be a role model, if your version of ‘being a man’ is so petty and twisted and you defiantly stand by your behaviour?

I’m always reminded of Chris Rocks N****rs vs black man routine. These single dads scream all day about how much they love and care for their kids, whilst a gentleman just does it, a single dad whines about his problem to anyone who will listen while a gentleman aims to deal with them privatly and properly. Gentleman have more to themselves and thier lives than just wanting to create a child in their image. A child is a gift to treasure, not the be all and end all of your existance.

And that brings me to the next problem that is common amoung single dads who find themselves in such dramas. They care little abou the childs interest and far more in their own and ensuring their child has the same priorities and views on life. That doesn’t exactly sound like a bad thing. However there’s a very clear line…For example if I had a child I would teach them piano because its a skill I can pass on and it will certainly help their education. Grooming a child into becoming a thick football fan of a specific team is quite different, not that football is bad, but the culture which comes with it, is comething best left untill the child is much older!

Thats a mild example. Ive seen far worse…Like the single dad who encourages his 6 year old to drink beer. The single dad whos beats the gay out of his 4 year old son – crying apparantly is for queers. The single dad who promises to teach his sons his art, shoplifting…One of them recently was murdered for stealing off the wrong person. The single dad of a 8 year old who is teaching him to fight and encouraging him to fight back in school, and those goes into school and threatens to smack the headmistress, because his kid is in trouble for fighting. The Single dad who sends his 11 year old to pick up his weed. The single dad who sat and laughed as his 14 year old bullied a nerd walking by. I could go on.

Fair play I can tell as many stories about single mums too, but they are more often related to the mum giving into their childs demands, such as the single mum who been buying fags for her son since the age of 8. Or stupidity cause by the need to have a break like my best friend who was so busy trying to plan a good night she left her kids in the care of the wrong person.

There’s no need to single out, single dads out. But their stupidity is in a league of it’s own and their behaviour is directly responsible for why they struggle to get to see their kids. More often than not it is better they dont get to see thier kids because on so many levels they have proven themselves to be unfit. Love is not enough for a child, and love from an idiot is dangerous. Women have power over children because they are demostrably better carers. We need look no futher than a family thats come down with the flu. Dad is in bed dying, while mum whos probaly feeling worse is up and caring for everyone. Even if it’s just mum who is poorly, seldom does the family come to her beck and call, she’s still up helping the family. Men are weak, they are always busy, tired, or dont see why they should do it. They do it because women will pick up the slack, and just about every single dad is the worst example of this kind of behaviour.

Men who buck the trend are a rare breed, who are either gay or so nice they suffer single life being told the right women for them is out there somewhere and they truly deserve to be happy. Men who buck the trend and are in relationships never suffer this fate. A father who does his duty or goes beyond the call isn’t a man a women is going to totlly get rid off. Like a women will rid herself of a man who has a track record for making her life easier anf fairer by behaving like a husband a women dreams of! Ssorry single dads you must look to your behaviour and sort it out before you citicise everyone else.

Women must look at themselves too. It’s time to pick the gentleman over the bad-boy. Your sexual thrills are second to finding a decent father, and you are every bit to blame if you were as stupid to get pregnant with a mouse of a man. We all live and learn but its a childs well being at mistake and you cannot alow yourself to play out soap opera romance with a man you knew was no good from the start.

Raoe is rape, but unplanned pregnancies or planned ones with morons is wholly the fault of the women. You cannot trust a man to use contrcaption, you cannot expect a man to behave as you wish after luring him into a relationship and your desire to have a baby shouldnt cloud your judgement on a man. You are the mature ones, the one who will despite the best intentions of a man, will be the one with ultimate responsibility. If your a single mum, chances are you followed your fetishes and not your common sense. Your a single mum because you lacked restraint and logic. No you didnt follow your heart, your were impatient and desperate, and you chances are you were well warned, by parents, peers and sex education is school. People make mistakes, but you have little excuse.

Lets not come all the liberal crap, you have a child, your living in poverty – no that IPhone flat scrren TV and wall paper you didnt buy from wilkos doesnt make you middle class. It means you spend your money badly. Dont play the ‘you dont understand’ game or ‘oh woe is me’ You cocked up big time and despite all the love in the world you child will suffer, few children from poor single parent families go on to do well in life. The cances of your child being an exception are about the same chances of anyones children becoming a professional footballer. Go look at the stats.

The damage as they say is done and it is the fault of foolish women and lying weak manipulative men. I find it abhorrent, knowing I would be such a good father and being gay it wil be a uphill battle for me to become a father. I could get a girl pregnant tomorrow if I wished and be a single dad too, or prented we could work together. But I must wait because common sense tells me that would wrong. My child needs to commited parents who love each other and live together, who have proven their love and arent making a rotton go of it because the gals fell preggers.

When you have no choice but to opt for planned parenthood, it makes you very angry to see how commidified and politicised children are. Theres a distinct lack of gravity for how important a childs upbringing is. More parents worry about Nike trainers and mobile phones, than the emotional well being and education of their children. They are too busy fighting teachers and the police to actually get off thier asses and do some parenting. And few think of how the child feels when broken parents argue. You never argue in front of a child, are you listening single dads STOP with the banging on doors and threats if you dont see your child!

It makes me sick. These days it seems no topic is taboo for a child. These people air their dirty laundry so publically and without regard to their children that they fail to see how savagly they are ripping a childs innocence away. These people were parents too young. They are too busy thinking about romance, sex and petty squabbles (themselves) to put a child first. If they put a child first, they’d have stayed on the pill a bit longer.

I will never forget the story of a dear friend who at 15 had an abortion because she came to the concluesion oh her own she was not fit to be a mother. That was 10 years ago. Shes in a 7 year relatrionship now with a child aged 3. I have no doubt that child will do fine. It has commited parents who planned his birth and who was desperatly wanted. That child was no accident of an ill fated romance. She still lives with the regret of that abortion every day, but she is a far better person for it. No child in her care will ever go without or be subject to the pathetic behaviour of adults who haven’t grown up. Even if they do split up, they will work together to do what right for their child. There will be no petty games using the child.

Single parenthood will always happen and I support a state which supports them. The difference between a single parent who does well by their children and a single parent who fails, is maturity, sexual maturity. I agree there’s nothing stopping children in single parent families from doing well in life, but life doesn’t work that way. The state is unlikely to ever provide the right support a single parent needs, it’s too expensive, and too few are willing to pay.

Sadly we are left with looking to the past for a solution. Im afraid to say that abstinace as stupid as it is, is something we should promote more. As evil as it is boys and girls should be made to feel more guilty for having sex willly-nilly and we shouldnt defend single parenthood to the point we think its no better or worse. It is demostrably worse, we shouldn’t make them suffer or give them a hard time, as I said Im all for more help, but it should be seen a totally undesirable.

We should also look to European sex education classes where emotional weel being is put first. Boys are taight that to manipulate a girls into having sex by feeding her lies of true love and such isn’t a million miles away from. To do that is to ignore her emotioanl well being and makes you a very person. It doesnt promote marrage before sex, just that both parties emotions are true and properly expressed.

How many less unplanned children would there be if we lived in a world where even the most boysterous of boys were saying “If I cared for that I’d be fucking it all over.” Rather than the culture we have today of smooth talking and quick exits?

We have devalued sex and in doing so we think far less of one another. Just have a wank guys and save women or men the trouble of yourself! Guys you do not own your child, the mother does, and its because men act like this that the law is wise to keep favoring the mum. You’ve probably been kicked for cheating on her haven’t you? Or abjectly failing to do anything she asked? Sex was the only thing you were thinking about, you didnt do your share in the relationship and now you want acees to the one thing in your relationship which requires the most work, responsibility and maturity after demostrating you lack all those qualities.

If you can’t respect and love the mother I dont think you can be trusted with the child. It’s time to grow up and accept the fact you will have to prove yourself and get on your knees. Oddly it’s called manning up to your mistakes.

Which brings me back to the beginning…If the mother is being awkward and not letting you see you child, you only have one response: “You know I want to see my child and you know where I am when your ready, but please dont expect me to drop everything at a moments notice” Unless your beyond foul, a mother wont keep a child from its father. Alas most single mums had a dad in your situation or know friends who have. Trust a mothers instinct to come good, because it will. If it doesnt and youve behaved as suggested, getting custody or the right to see you child will be not be a problem. Just know that if you’ve just broken up, you will have to be patient, which is another quality of the Gentlemen. It’s time to grow up boys, for your childs sake.


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